The revelation and what came of it

Q: How many occupations can you think of that don’t involve dealing with human beings?
A: Sweet fuck-all.

After having decided a few months ago that I was over jobs that were slavishly people-focused, I eventually felt ready to start thinking about possible career alternatives:

• Astronomer and discoverer of a new planet which I would name Vitamin Paul
• Test-driver of high fashion-label shoes
• Owner of a multi Michelin-starred underwater restaurant (like this, but better in unspecified ways)
• Electron microscope photographer specialising in subjects that are ugly and boring (unlike these)
• Dominatrix (people-focused but in a beating-them-up sort of way, therefore acceptable)
• Matt Damon
• Inseminator of giant pandas (well, someone’s got to do it)
• A shaman. Any shaman.
• World curling champion (follow this link only if you must)
• Dictator of a small banana republic (see qualifier for Dominatrix)
• A concubine, but a different concubine to the one I’d considered being on 13 August 2003, this one being quite anti-social and not often in the mood

The conclusion: something to do with animals or plants. The latter won; they don’t shit everywhere or make a lot of noise. And I’ve always loved gardening. It’s been years since I’ve been able to have an outdoor garden of my own but I’ve always had houseplants, even though I invariably give them away every time we move.

So then began the long process of sifting through various distance education horticulture courses, weighing up their relative merits and trying to work out if I possessed sufficient funds and discipline to see any of them through. That’s when and how I discovered permaculture.

The absolute conviction that this was something I had to pursue was so immediate and powerful that I feel a little embarrassed talking about it. There were bells, whistles, sirens, fireworks, neon signs, punches to the stomach and a great deal of throttling. This wasn’t revelation or epiphany; this was GBH.

Like every good convert to every path of righteousness in all of history, I immediately looked for someone else to hook in. And there was my beloved Dreamboat … innocent, unaware, just in the door from work, all pleased to see his mental wife.

“I’ve enrolled in a course,” I told him. “Come and see.”

It was surprisingly easy to convince him. Permaculture design is based on observation and common sense. It also requires knowledge of many different disciplines. The Dreamboat loves all these things. It wasn’t long before he was downloading mini-documentaries and telling people, “It’s the way of the future.”

A lot of things became surprisingly easy after that. They just seemed to start falling into place. A community garden group started in Karratha and I signed up, with the idea of designing the garden for my final assignment. Then I was offered some casual work at a local nursery. I even started dreaming about our settling in Karratha and my starting up some kind of business …

Until this came along …

And we bought it.

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