A Not-So-Trivial Tale

On Friday 25 May, Your Apprehensive Correspondent was wheeled into an operating theatre at Port Hedland Hospital and Operation: Wee Cameras was duly carried out.

Everything went smoothly, although in recovery my blood pressure plummeted to 58/36 and it took the better part of the day to wake me up again.

Anything for a lie-in.

My only other concern was the slight disfigurement of my once-perfect belly button. They put a tube through it, you see. Now it looks kind of elongated and crooked. I haven’t let the Dreamboat see it up close because I’ve always given him a hard time about his spectacularly ugly, horizontal navel. As a result of recent events, mine will forever more be vertical. It also lists ever-so-slightly to port.

It’s amazing how upsetting it can be to find something as insignificant as your own belly button irrevocably changed.

Nowhere near as upsetting as the phone call I had from the gynaecologist a week ago, though.

It seems I have endometrial cancer.

Bummer.

I’m waiting to hear when I need to fly to Perth for my — oh joy! — “complete hysterectomy” and whatever other treatment lies in store. I’ve taken time off work, so you’ll probably be hearing from me a bit more regularly.

I’m on an anti-cancer diet which basically rules out everything I like eating and drinking. I’m also supposed to eliminate all stress from my life … piece of cake, really, once you forget the cancer bit and the financial bit and the long-term-prospects-of-survival bit. There’s also the job-as-a-radio-presenter-that-I-love-but-which-is-also-jam-packed-with-stress bit.

I spent all of last week doing research and now my brain’s turned to mush. So until I hear from the hospital I’m going to rest, build up my immune system and liver, and hang out in my newly-made garden.

Man, that sounds boring.

Popularity: 8% [?]